I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
