so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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