No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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