What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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