2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
