I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
