yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's Friday. Sex?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
