either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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