Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
