I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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