flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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