he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.