I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.