Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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