My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
