she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Panties = found
Randomize
