I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
