So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
