So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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