Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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