i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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