so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize