Plan B is the new Plan A
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
