you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
