Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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