You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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