the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
