You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
