he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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