One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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