I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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