How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
