Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
