Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize