Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
