this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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