Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
