how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
