the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
