Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
