do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
