Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
