dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
