Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
