I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
