I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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