i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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