Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
