dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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