Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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