but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize