i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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