She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
