just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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