i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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