i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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