Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
